The first time I noticed that I had genital warts I was seated on a tall bar stool in a Newport Beach Bar and the barman kept throwing a surreptitious look as he followed my right hand scratching my private parts, as my left hand held the large beer mug. With his back facing me, I could see him through the back mirror concealing a smile as my hand scratched vigorously without stopping for a considerable period.
I whipped out my iPhone and did a quick search of possible diseases that affect the nether loins, and that arouse a penchant for scratching that leaves you with itching, pain, and discomfort. Voila!
I discovered I had genital warts. I stepped off the bar stool in panic as I rushed to the washrooms, locked myself in a booth and pulled down my boxers. Using my iPhone, I took a quick shot of the area between my penis and my asshole. I saw a small flesh-colored bump that had a cauliflower-like shape. As I touched the area, the sensation to scratch grew stronger, and I scratched the area until blood oozed out.
I rushed back to the bar counter, picked my bag and throwing some bills at the barman, who kept his mischievous smile, stormed out of the bar.
I fought off distressing fears throughout the night as I tore through google searching for possible clues where I could have contracted such a dreadful disease. I had not had sex with a girl for months, and I try to shun the LGBT community though as a social worker, I interact with them frequently. I use clean bathrooms all the time and chances of sitting on a contaminated toilet seat are absolutely nil.

So, it was with a sense of relief the next morning when after taking an early shower, I did a quick search and discovered Dr. Lauber, a leading dermatologist who heads the Newport Beach Dermatology Clinic for male genital warts. Dressing quickly in shorts and a tee-shirt, without underwear and wearing loafers, I drove fast to be among the first few patients he would see that morning. The doctor I found was indeed Dr. Lauber. He was alone in his office drinking what appeared to be some colorless liquid in a glass.
I met a kindly-faced grandfatherly figure with graying hair, wearing regular bifocals and a starched white doctor’s coat. Smiling at me, he pointed a chair and invited me to sit. He asked, “What can I do for you this early, young man?”
I promptly narrated my ordeal. And as I progressed detailing the incessant scratching throughout the night, Dr. Lauber’s smile slowly ebbed, and he assumed a more serious countenance. He politely asked to examine me and led me to a closeted area, where he invited me to lie on a flat surface and spread my legs. Putting on his gloves, he examined me for what seemed an eternity. He probed me, applied some ointment and scraped some tissue that he proceeded to examine on a nearby microscope. Then nodding his head, he addressed me.
“Young man, you have a strain of human papillomavirus or HPV, and it’s the one causing warts in your private area. There’s no cure at the moment, but you need not fear. It will leave your body all on its own and in its own time. Your body will remove it on its own. In the meantime, I’ll prescribe some herbal medication that will speed the eradication process and get your skin back healthy in no time.”
I had never heard of the herb Thuja before. Dr. Lauber explained that it worked by stimulating the immune system. He also prescribed green tea, reishi mushrooms, and to ensure that I took in proper nutrition each day. Ultimately his skills proved to be top notch!
“Dr. Lauber took care of my condition quickly and professionally. I was embarrassed to see younger doctors and tell them about my situation.”

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